thoughts

one of my favourite clients (MFC for short from now on) came into the salon the other day and through the course of her appointment asked me what i was doing on the weekend. i gave my standard, no lie, response. 'nothing. i'm being boring. how about you?' this nice deflection usually means a. i don't have to talk about myself and b. i can get the client talking about themselves. usually they love doing that. Unfortunately MFC didn't want to talk about herself this day. she said 'kate, i am old and can afford to stay home and be boring, i have lots of memories to keep me going. you? you need to go out and be making memories. make memories for when you're old'. i never thought that staying home and doing nothing was actually depriving me of experiences and stories when i grow old. hopefully stories i can tell my children or grandchildren, or if that never happens for me, my nieces and nephews. so it got me thinking about what creates memories for me that hearten me and i will always cherish and hopefully appreciate.

1. the hot wet salty breeze that hugs my parents home on a summer day
2. the smell of sunscreen and hot concrete being splashed by pool water
3. the fresh, cool feeling that comes from a long shower
4. warm, fat rain drops that bounce on the muddy grass and trickle down your back when you walk through it
5. the joyful meowing of my cat when she hears my car in the driveway
6. the smell of fresh basil and rosemary and oregano in the planter pots in my kitchen as the breeze catches their leaves
7. the smell of roccoco on clean skin when pat's trying to impress me
8. the feel of cool clean sheets and newly vaccuumed carpet
9. cold seafood coupled with colder wine and good company
10. the soft cooing of music in the player whilst lying on the balcony doing nothing.
11. cocooned in a movie theatre by myself watching a movie i am going to cry at.

and i realised that most of these things are enjoyed by me on my own, or with very little input of others. i don't know if this is just who i am, or if perhaps it is a coping mechanism to deal with the occasional melancholy feeling that comes from self imposed loneliness.

12. floating on a pool noodle with the sun on my cheeks and the chatter of a good friend beside me.
13. laughing with patrick at lily being an eccentric.
14. impromptu visits to restaurants and movies
15. bbq's in a park in the evenings with good friends
16. waking up with a strong pair of arms around me and a kitten curled up at my head

I found a couple that definately needed others which makes me feel great.

I will work on this. i will try and create some memories of recent times and not let my anxiety well up on me too much. i'll definately stop trying to use my anxiety as a crutch and an excuse not to do things.

i'll keep you posted.